So what does “APISH” mean?

Screw That! Author Andrew Friend Adventures in Politically-Insensitive Humor (6)

In the simplest terms, it is an anagram for Adventures in Politically InSensitive Humor. But a more fully-developed explanation would be that it’s just a better word than “Caveman-ish”.

In the dictionary (for those of you who actually still know what a “dictionary” is), the word “apish” means “having the qualities, appearance or ways of an ape”.  Regrettably, I think much of that definition could accurately be used to describe your author. Height-wise I’m in the ballpark. Weight-wise I fall just a bit short…but only just. I am certainly not as hairy or smelly, and probably have slightly better table manners, but I definitely have the same perpetual scowl on my face that you would find on that of any garden-variety primate.

I would be willing to wager that my technological knowledge, expertise and aptitude is fairly well at the same level as your average mountain gorilla. My communication skills may be a bit more advanced. My fingers and thumbs may lend themselves to somewhat more elaborate endeavors, but I have to admit that I often find myself staring at people and objects the same way that an orangutan does…with that sort-of-dark-and-vacant stare that’s all about trying to figure out what the hell people are telling me and why, if they’re not offering me a piece of fruit or a slice of pizza, are they even bothering me in the first place?

Like most larger apes, I have a natural talent for sitting around doing next to nothing. I too like to stare at random shit and study insignificant things like anthills and tree bark and Australian Rules Football matches…things that I think are very cool but don’t really comprehend. And I also like to munch on stuff at a pretty steady pace just to make sure that I keep my big round belly in top form.

When you boil it all down, I think the only meaningful differences between myself and the other four official members of the genus known as “Great Apes” are that (a) nobody ever runs fundraisers to protect me and my habitat and (b) I choose to be apish while the others just come by it naturally.

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