An ex-Presidente named Trumpone morning was taking a dump.He gave a big squeezeas he started to sneeze,and his toupee plopped into the sump. OK…I guess it’s not really a toupee…which is fucking incredible…so shoot me.By the way…in a completely unrelated line of inquiry…I know he gets a Secret Service detail for the rest of his […]
THE SADDEST OF SPUDS
I pulled into the parking lot of a Dunkin Donuts in Dorchester, Massachusetts the other day…sort of a drizzly morning. As I got out of the car, I stumbled across this tragic scene. This gigantic russet…all beaten and battered and very far away from his farm in Idaho…had clearly had a very rough night…probably lost […]
Why do guys who play the banjo always look so fucking happy?
Why do guys who play the banjo always look so fucking happy? Have you noticed that? I don’t think I’ve ever seen somebody playing the banjo that didn’t look absolutely giddy and gleeful while they were doing it? It’s kind of odd, I think. John Fogerty and Paul McCartney notwithstanding, serious guitarists pretty much never […]
So, I’m starting a new business…
So, I’m starting a new business… For the longest time, I’ve been dreaming up and writing down interesting ideas for names of ought-to-be-existent musical groups…and stage names for wannabe actors and actresses. Over the years, this has become kind of a hobby…in reality, perhaps a bit more like an obsession…but now I’m actually thinking of […]
FREE UNLIMITED CHEESE SAUCE
FREE UNLIMITED CHEESE SAUCE Those are dark, ominous words…horrifying words. I can feel my arteries seizing up as I type them. Who the fuck came up with this idea? Those four individually-innocent words were at the core of a huge billboard advertising campaign for a big restaurant chain that had a location not very far […]
Whatever happened to Italo Pizza?
Whatever happened to Italo Pizza? At various seemingly-random points in my life, that same peculiar question has popped into my head completely unannounced and unexpected…”Whatever happened to Italo Pizza?”…just as it did a moment ago. One and three-quarters of a city block from the apartment building where I grew up, just off the corner of […]